In the beginning of the day there is some misleading silence while preparing food, sipping coffee, letting Sage out.
Then as the day progresses we start to warm up for the "big show." We practice with a couple tantrums- nothing too big, just warming up our wind pipes.
And I swear the big production starts the second Lance walks through the door after work.
I'm wiping up dinner with one hand, Ames is in the Moby wrap and I'm tossing the frisbee for Sage with the other hand (because, naturally her and Ames have coordinated "witching hours") and then we are in the heart of the show. Lance now has Ames and he's wippin' up bottles, slangin' diapers, bouncing around with our sweet colicky baby.
In stereo Lance and I are singing every nursery rhyme song we can think of- if we can be louder than he is then it's a quick fix.
I am so thankful to have a partner who is willing to dance and sing, make silly faces, and play with our son in hopes of just 5 minutes of relief. Seeing the two of them together, even in the hardest times, warms my heart.
Ames is now 3 months old chronological and 3 weeks adjusted age. Every day seems to be a little easier. I'm not sure if it's because we are getting used to sleep being a distant memory or if things are, dare I say, settling down a little bit. Either way, I'm loving being a mommy even though it terrifies and challenges me on a daily basis.
I've loved him unconditionally since the day he was born- but I am going to be honest, and I understand that some people will think Im crazy and never understand or they will absolutely relate, there were times in the NICU that I felt like I couldn't exactly connect with him. I continually had to ask to pick him up or I had to hold still in one specific position so that his head wasn't in a weird position or so his leads wouldn't fall off.
It wasn't until we got home and Lance and I became his primary caretakers that I felt like we really truly started to bond and connect.
We were told so often that we needed to learn his cries. "He'll have a dirty diaper cry, a hungry cry, and tired cry- you need to learn all of those cries" Dude, when this kid cries, it all sounds the same! Sure, I can tell when he's tired because it sounds like he's faking his cry and when hungry he just doesn't STOP crying until he gets a boob- but a cry, is a cry, is a cry- they all sound the same.
I felt guilty because everyone, everywhere, says from the second you hold your baby you are overwhelmed with this (insert emotion) connection.
The first time I held Ames, I felt relief that he was alive and well but I also felt absolutely terrified for our road ahead. Bonding in the NICU can be challenging, we would embrace Kangaroo Care until the nurses would come in for the next feeding or our bladders were about to explode, but still we stood back and watched him being cared for from afar.
I guess the reason I'm talking about all of this is because for the longest time I felt guilty for not having that "instant connection" instead I had emotions of fear, anxiety, happiness, love, gratefulness, but it wasn't until we were home that I felt that we were able to develop this bond that everyone speaks of and that's okay. For a while I felt guilty, but it's okay that not everything was textbook (I mean obviously, he arrived 10 weeks early). The bond we have is amazing and I now know exactly what everyone talks about.
Ames went through a phase there where he would not sleep unless he was sleeping on someone. We have him in a bassinet next to our bed and every time we would lay him down he would go from drowsy to wide awake and cry and cry and cry and cry. Finally, this weekend we started to get creative. We turned on a fan and put it next to him, we built a small cocoon around him by using the bobby (all blankets and what not away from his face- don't worry, I promise it was safe) and our prayers were answered! He finally was sleeping on his own, without fuss, in between feedings.
We are trying to get onto a schedule as best as we can. It's hard when he still sleeps quite a bit throughout the day, but so far we are starting to fall into place a little bit.
While Ames has been quite colicky lately, he also has his pretty darn cute times. He is starting to smile more and is definitely finding his voice. He seems curious, whenever he is awake he looks all over the place and really takes everything in. What I would give in order to know what he is thinking. He is mesmerized by Lance. He stares at him and tries to figure him out every time they interact. It is so much fun to watch.
He is indifferent about tummy time. Sometimes he loves it so much that being on his tummy puts him to sleep and other times he hates it.
It has been pretty incredible to watch him start to develop and change even the slightest bit. It makes me so excited to see all of the milestones that we have yet to reach.
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| Over 8lbs now and full of rolls!! |
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