A Little Bit of Grace

Warning: Mushy Gushy post for all you mamas out there!

Tonight I began working on my very first mock lesson plan. It was very exciting at first! So excited that I started looking at Facebook 15 minutes in. During my 85th scheduled break, I came across a scarymommy post (http://www.scarymommy.com/sanctimommy-with-one-2-week-old-child-cant-understand-whats-so-hard-about-parenting/)
It was about a woman who ranted about parents today. In short, this individual felt that parents today are using their kids as excuses to not tend to their daily parental duties i.e.; cleaning, cooking, showering... The individual goes on to say that she has been a parent for two weeks and she has managed to do all of these things without any problems.

I want to stress that I am not and do not want to bad mouth this person by ANY means. That is definitely NOT what this post is about. It is mostly to tip my hat to all of you parents out there who are holding it together, or trying to one day at a time. 

The post baffled me for a few reasons. The first being, when parents post social media pictures/statuses about the amount of peanut butter they found on their curtains or that their youngest colored themselves red to match Elmo, this is not (most of the time) because the parent is being lazy. It's because this stuff is hilarious (after said peanut butter and red marker is washed off) and no one, except parents, will understand the urge to be furious and bust out laughing at the same time. You can't make this stuff up!

Secondly, I do not believe that this is parents being lazy or using their energetic child as a scapegoat for all responsibilities. It is simply some parents (or most people for that matter) do not have enough hours in the day to have Joanna Gaines homes, Martha Stewart meals, work full time, and try to feed and nourish the moving target that is your child. I, personally, am a mother of 1 and some days it feels like 50. I work full time, I am going to school full time, my husband works full time, we are active in our gym, and we have playdates/family get togethers quite often. There are simply not enough hours in the day- so we choose our battles, we prioritize.

There are days that I have cleaned the house top to bottom during his naps, only to find my living room decorated with dog food 15 minutes after he wakes up. I have scrubbed food off of the wall next to where our kitchen table is so many times, I am days away from just seeing drywall. So after a long, exhausting day at work, when I know that I have a maximum of 90 minutes before Ames' bedtime, you can bet that I am going to spend that time, on the floor, with my son, making even more of a mess with his toys. Will I pick them up every time? Absolutely not, because in 12 hours, when he wakes up, he's going to put them right back where they are now. Instead, I'm going to use that time to, actually wash my hair? Because it isn't 5 in the morning, when Ames has woken up too early and is squishing his face against the shower glass and banging the door loud enough to wake the neighbors. Or maybe I will actually finish a homework assignment early rather than 2 hours before it was due because I have had to work late. You choose a lot of battles in life. These are some of the Armstrongs.

Please don't get me wrong, I believe in keeping a sanitary home (public health nerd) and I believe that responsibility is taught through putting away toys that are taken out, taking care of your toys, etc. My whole point of this is that some of the expectations that are placed on parents these days; to "do it all" are incredibly overwhelming and if you don't fulfill them all every single day, you're some how a bad parent. They are unrealistic. We need to treat other parents with respect and have a little grace! What better lesson to teach your children, than to show them how to empower others rather than criticize and judge. What better lesson to teach your children than to be graceful and understanding.

We have to choose our battles. We won't be able to do it all, every single day, unless we stop sleeping and we all know we don't do enough of that as it is.

I know a mother of twin boys who spent days on days on days in the NICU. She is a stay at home mommy to these sweet boys, so for the time that her fiance is at work, she is outnumbered. The expectation that she has every duck in a row, every single day, is ridiculous.

I know another mommy who has 3 kids under 3. THREE UNDER THREE PEOPLE! This woman is a badass (you know who you are, Chelsea!) Her twins also spent time in the NICU, while her husband stayed with their oldest. Now she's back to work, her husband works, and she still finds time to love, feed, and nurture ALL 3. They are also outnumbered so I'm sure they chose their battles wisely as well.

Another mommy I know has a sweet preemie that shares a birthday with Ames. She has worked day in and day out on teaching him milestones, working with his eating, being his advocate. The amount of effort and time and specialists that this takes is something you can't understand unless you're in it!

Other amazing mommies; A mommy who grew up younger than most and raised a dazzling (yes, me) young lady and my two sweet, determined and amazing sisters, all while working full time and going to school full time. a dental hygienist of a strong willed a determined, sweet little boy and a beautiful little girl, who is the most giving and thoughtful person out there. A stay at home mommy of two beautiful girls who ALSO nannies for a little girl- this gal is no joke, her activities are better than most preschools. A working mom of three of the most well mannered kids/teen I have ever had the pleasure of being around (she is probably the only one who's house I have never seen dirty- KUDOS to you Jaime). And all of you other working mommies, stay at home mommies, bad ass mommies. You rock. And when it comes time for the witching hour and you have found yourself "needing to use the bathroom the second your husband gets home" and in reality you are actually sitting on the toilet with a bottle of wine and 15 minutes of uninterrupted facebook scrolling- Just know, I'm likely doing the same. And tomorrow is a new day- with the same stuff.

You guys rock!

Hand, Foot, Mouth and the Armstrongs

Some days you're the dog, other days you're the hydrant. This rang especially true the two weeks that our house was infested with Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease; aka HFMD; aka Hell.

Lance and I were very proud of ourselves- his sister offered to watch Ames for the evening, and we jumped on the opportunity to treat ourselves! So after a very lovely evening eating dinner at The Vault, we picked up our little buddy and headed home. The next morning he had some red spots on his face. Naturally, because my sister in laws are my go-to, I sent them a group text, short and sweet, with a picture and "should I worry or let it ride?" Five minutes after they all returned my text and we had our thoughts of what it could be, the rash spread EVERYWHERE. He had it on his forehead, legs, arms, chest, butt, hands and feet. So I send a second text with my updated findings and I get back: "Hand, Foot, and Mouth?"

All I can think about is how awful it was described to me and I'm PRAYING that it's just a rash that will pass. It gets worse, he gets a fever, and so the Armstrongs pile into the car and head to urgent care. This is where we proceeded to wait for four hours. Not two or three- no, it was 4 hours. Do you want to know what expert advice we left urgent care with after our long awaited visit with an unfriendly doctor? 

"It sounds like an advanced cold and the rash is a reaction to him healing from it"

Totally. That's exactly why I waited so long to talk with you. Definitely just the mega cold of colds. 

Lance brings up the potential for HFMD and she replies with "Yeah, it could turn into that" 

Lady, I've been on google for the past 4 hours, ain't no way an advanced cold turns into HFMD. For those of you wondering, HFMD is an enterovirus, which means a cold would not lead to HFMD. 

We had messaged Ames' school to give them the heads up that it could possibly be HFMD and that we would be keeping Ames home from school that next day because we didn't want to take any chances and he obviously wasn't feeling well. Well then we got a group e-mail that they were shutting the school down that day as there "may have been a HFMD outbreak and they are taking the necessary precautions to prevent future cases." The family shall remain nameless.....

The Armstrongs shut down daycare. Clearly we do not mess around- go big or go home.

We took Ames to his pediatrician that day and they confirmed that the expert urgent care doctor we waited 4 hours to see was in fact wrong and he did have HFMD. Sweet. That's fun. 

So that week we patched together a schedule for Ames care and we bleached every surface in our house. Little man appeared to be on the mend after day 4 and then Lance texted me a very awful text: "I have a few spots on my hand"

Noooooooooooo. Adults aren't supposed to get HFMD! We are supposed to be immune! If Lance was getting it, then there was no way I was making it out of there without it. Within 24 hours he was covered in a rash that was about 5 times worse than what Ames had. For lack of a better description, Lance looked like a leper and it just kept getting worse and worse. Finally, he went to the doctor and they prescribed him some pain killers because he had been up for two days. He described it as having a sunburn on top of a sunburn with chicken pox. I bleached the house for a second time and just waited for my inevitable demise. 

I followed Lance around with a bleach rag everywhere he went and I didn't skimp on anything. OJ Bottle? you bet it got washed. Tables, chairs, toilet, Ames'- it allll got washed multiple times a day. I don't know if God was just like "we'll catch the next time around, Kayla" or if he was just being merciful because this was week two of HFMD infesting my house and I was sick of it. Either way, I managed to sneak out of there without a spot. I was paranoid to say the least, every time I scratched or something hurt, I panicked. Lance wishes that on no one. That was the most miserable I've seen him- and we've been through a deployment together! 

Thankfully, this all took place the week before Christmas so we were all healthy for the holidays- even though everyone was still a little skeptical ;)

Now the 2015 holiday season will forever be the year of HFMD and will never be forgotten. 

Now onto the fun stuff: 

• Ames is 13 months old, he's 19 pounds and 28 1/2 inches long. 
• He has learned the word "no" and looooooooves to use it.....
• He is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! We did some sleep training and we have had a solid two weeks of restful sleep. It's amazing. I feel halfway human again. 
• He is very particular about what he eats and how much he eats. Feeding him is by far one of the most stressful things, ever. I make him something he scarfed down yesterday and he spends all of breakfast feeding it to Sage. Other days, he just flat out doesn't want to eat. It is a constant guessing game and it makes my blood boil most days. 
• He is hilarious. He laughs at himself out of nowhere, he runs around making silly noises and silly faces.

So many days we find ourselves going what the heck is going on! What do we do about (insert behavior/milestone/temper tantrum) and how should we deal with it going forward? It's rough raising a little human being, especially one who is as strong willed as this little guy. There are days that I learn lessons in grace because I have lacked it greatly. Everything is a learning experience and the testing of patience will only make us stronger in the long run :) I sure love our little dude.

One Whole Year

Our sweet baby boy is a whole entire year old. I think that I have started this post 13908098 times and I just haven't been able to finish it for many reasons. One being that the day of his birthday was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I cried all of my make up off on the way to work and cried for most of the morning. It didn't help that we had an exceptionally difficult morning, what with Ames throwing holy terror fits and I was mad/sad/frustrated that I had to go to work on his birthday- especially after the arm wrestling battle we had all morning.

I sat and thought the entire day about how much our sweet little boy has accomplished in one short year. Of course every parent thinks the sun rises and sets with their child, I'm not exception, but damn I am proud of this kiddo. He's walking not even a month after his first birthday! He is almost 19 pounds and has got a BIG ol' noggin.

Let's check out the stats:

Ames Wilde Armstrong 11/9/2014

3lbs 4oz

16in long

11.5' head circumference

 Born at 30 weeks gestation

Spent 40 days in the NICU

2 days on the CPAP

Took his first full feed at 1 month old

Came home 10 days after that on December 19th 2014

Ames Wilde Armstrong

11/9/2015

Has smiled since day ONE!

Stopped Nursing at 5 months- exclusively pumped until 7 months

Rolled over at 6 months

Inch worm crawling in the downward dog position at 7 months

EXTREMELY mobile and crawling /climbing at 8 months

Took his first steps at 9/10 months

Started Daycare at 10 months- They have had to rearrange/bolt things to the wall because of him

Able to do pull ups on any object (freezer drawer, changing table, etc.) at 10 months

Bottom teeth broke through at 10 months

First word was dada at 10 months

Walking at 12 months and some change and says mama, dada, dog, nana, baba, papa, etc.

Two top teeth broke through at 12 months!

Weighs just shy of 19 pounds, 27 1/2in long, and 27in noggin.

He has gained 16lbs since birth, grown 11inches, and his head circumference 

has increased by 16 inches!

Parenting is no joke. We have slept 8 hours about 5 times in the last year. Ames has a very unusual sleep pattern. I have learned my breaking point. I have learned Lance's breaking point. And I have learned how strong Lance and I are when the going gets tough. I commend him for his ability to calm me down when I am up in arms over milestones. I love him for the humor he brings to parenting, because if you don't laugh about the craziness that is parenting, then you will just plain go crazy. 

I am forever grateful for our "village" that has stood by us through thick and thin, reassured us that we are good parents and not losing our mind, and given us much needed date nights....even if we did spend those date nights talking about our kiddo. 

Ames' smile is contagious. He smiles at everyone and is such a fun, easy going, warm hearted sweet kid. He is all boy- he loves to play outside, go on walks, and laughs at the word toot. His mind never stops going, if there is a new toy, he spends so much time figuring out how it works. Every car toy, or toy with some sort of ability to move, he inspects it, moves with it, spins the wheels, and is intent on figuring the thing out. I love watching him learn. Recently he has started cuddling and he never used to cuddle, but in the last month, something has completely changed. He WALKS up to us now and hugs us, gives BIG open mouth kisses, and will lay his head on your shoulder for a maximum of 30 seconds! Lance holds the cuddling record of 4 minutes and 25 seconds. 

I am amazed by his intelligence every single day. I am thankful for his sweet heart and how he can teach me something new every single day. I thank my lucky stars every single day that Lance and I were chosen to be his parents. 

My sweet, sweet sisters and sister-in-laws- God bless them. I can't even keep track of how many time I have called them individually or texted them as a group, at my whits end, with my greasy grown out hair laying over my face, a crying baby in his crib upstairs, while I lay face down on the carpet, just asking them for reassurance that this phase ends and it all gets better. They came to my rescue with words of wisdom and encouragement to stand back up, wash my damn hair, and laugh at the fact that we have been up before the sun, every day for a year. They are a true blessing to us. 

Full Heart

I'll keep it short and sweet this eve. 

Our Wilde man said his first word today. I've never experienced such joy. it's amazing to watch him grow. 

He crawled around my feet all night while I made dinner and bopped while I sang the completely incorrect version of 78% of the songs that came on the children's pandora station. 

He looks at you so intently. Almost like he is trying to hard to figure you out and to also tell you how much he loves you. In those moments, I am alive. I give myself a hard time and joke about how stressful being a mom can be- I mean, it's not really a joke. It is stressful, but- these moments where you see your beautiful baby boy curled up in daddy's arms, chomping on the 3rd huge bottle in less than 4 hours, you realize how freaking amazing life and love and his appetite really is. 

I'm thankful for every scary, crazy, wild unknown that led us to the most constant and unconditional love I've ever had.  

This last year was....something else and I'm so thankful for it. 

Okay, mushy gushy-ness over. Here are some cute pictures 

. 

Hello, My Name is Cray-la

Ames turned 9 months old on the 9th. Just before that we were sent a survey in the mail that asked what developmental milestones our young padawon has accomplished. I had recently had one of my "oh eff it" moments just before this 3 page documents made its way into my hands. I had just said- he's healthy and happy and we're doing great! 

Then I started reading:

    Does your child somtimes, always, or not yet do the following...

      A. Pinch a cheerio with one finger and thumb. 

       Answer: no- he's too busy crawling around and smacking his head on nearby furniture to care about how the cheerio gets into his mouth. 

       B. Look for a toy after you have hidden it. 

       Answer: no- he looks at me as if to say "well that was kind of rude...but I'll move on" and literally moves on to swan dive into the dog water. 

      C. Attempt to grab a cheerio that you have placed inside a water bottle while standing on one leg and playing the violine with the other hand. 

Okay, that may have been a little exaggerated. But by this point in survey I'm stressing out. It's Saturday and I'm trying to figure out how much I can binge teach my kid before his 9 month appointment on Tuesday. Accompanying my boot camp lesson plan is an entire list of "am I doing something wrong?" Or "I really need to be home more, why do I have to be a working mom?!" 

Lance is napping on the couch and wakes up to his crazy wife crawling on the floor with our kiddo, flailing my arms around, shoving water bottles with Cheerios in his face, trying to get him to share toys with me without being asked and pick up small objects as if he had the fine moto skills of a grown adult. I must of said his name 80 times. I felt like Stewart from Mad TV. 

By this time my charades have woke lance up and he's like " hey, babe. Whatcha doing?" And I broke down in tears. I felt so inadequate in that moment. Which is nonsense- but there's no talking any reason into Cray-la (she's my other personality that comes out when I'm stressed about mom stuff). 

I would like to take a moment of silence for all the mommies and daddies out there who have lost nights of sleep stressing over milestones and development hoo-hah- we all know we aren't getting those nights back so...that sucks. You're kiddos are wonderful no matter where they are at. 

Our little bundle is a hoot. He is SUCH a ham. He loves to entertain and is starting to only want to be held by mommy or daddy when he's tired or cranky

He's very eager to walk. He loves to hold your hands and walk around as long as you'll tolerate. He's a clapping machine. He even will clap when he's mad about something. It's kind of funny. He's babbling a lot, no Dadas or mamas yet but he has the sweetest little voice. For the most part he is a pretty independent player. He looks at a toy and bangs it on things and looks at it again and moves it I his hands. I love watching him think. 

He is still up once at night to eat but otherwise he is sleeping well! Now for some cute pictures :)

I Just Have to Pee..

As a parent, your needs are always second to those of your child's. I have come to find that this includes any and all instances where you are seconds from peeing your pants and your child has smacked his head on the wall/fallen from holding onto an unsteady toy/blown out his diaper on the carpet for the 3rd time this week. 

The most recent instance is this very moment. I have spent the last hour and a half trying to get Ames down for his morning nap. Let me draw you a picture. 

8:10am we started with our usual nap time routine, bottle, song, rocking chair, lay down while eyes are rolling to the back of his head. He's dozing off- boom. Time to get some cleaning done so I can hopefully drink my coffee and space out for a half hour before he wakes up. 

8:15am a loud banging starts upstairs 

He's demanding some service! 

"Ma! The meatloaf!"

8:35am painfully loud crying. Lay him back down, give him his binkie and he falls back asleep.  

8:40am he's back up whaling again. 

This process repeats for the next hour 

9:25am he needs to Nap and the only place he has stayed asleep for more than 5 minutes is my arms. And I've had to pee since we started this mother loving fiasco. I have caved. Because if he doesn't sleep now..we are screwed for nap number two and then the whole day is shot. 

I have a mountain of clean, unfolded laundry at my feet, a sleeping baby in my arms that is still breathing heavy from all the crying he did since we began this brawl, and I am going to pee my pants. 

Truthfully, as wonderful as it would be to get the mountain of house work done that is well past due...he NEVER snuggles anymore so for now- I'll embrace the cuddles and binge watch some Netflix. 

I'm behind on blogging. Ames turned 8 months on the 9th and we are experiencing a whole new baby. He's crawling all over the place, pulling himself up on anything and everything, and is breaking a tooth in! What in the heck?! Where did my teeny tiny baby go?!

It's hard to believe that our once 3lb baby is now 16 pounds! 

He is SO social- he visits with everyone at Crossfit in the mornings and just soaks up all the attention he gets. He melts everyone with that toothless smile 

So far he has loved every food we've thrown his way to except peas and bananas by themselves. He prefers to feed himself...that doesn't always go great...

But he loves it so that works. The sleep struggle is real, but that smile helps you forget all about it...most of the time. 

 

The Best Moms Group Ever

Throughout high school I played volleyball, ran track, and danced. My passion was ways dancing but I pretended that I was athletic enough to play volleyball and run track but the truth was; I was too short for volleyball and spent way too much time diving for stray balls that my puiny arms couldn't reach; I am freaking slow so I sucked at track. Period. But I did it because you didn't have to try out haha. 

Dancing was always where I felt at ease and after continuing for a year into college, life got busy and once you are dancing for recreation it's not the same as when you're performing. 

Thus, I entered a new chapter in my life where I tried to find something to fill that passion. Zumba was okay, still not what I wanted. Going to the gym and spending 30 minutes burning 15 calories on the elliptical sucked. And I still wasn't athletic enough for intramural sports. 

Lance started this crazy and intimidating thing called Crossfit and I gave it a big ol stiff arm because, woah. That sounded hard and scary lol. 

Well...then we had Ames and I stood looking at myself in the mirror, just irritated and full of post partum emotions. So I agreed to try this crazy intimidating sport. AND I LOVED IT. 

There's a Fight Club reference that the first rule in Crossfit is always talk about Crossfit and that the second rule is also, to always talk about Crossfit. It's humerous because anyone who is passionate about anything is going to talk about it, a lot. So I shall embrace that and continue talking about it, because it's changed my entire outlook on fitness goals. 

Not only have I regained my confidence, feel comfortable in my own skin again, and FEEL better, but I feel strong. I've never known that feeling before and it

Feels great. It feels great knowing that we are setting a good example for Ames to eventually follow. 

Also, this is better than any other Moms group I could have joined. The people and the community are incredible. It's so  much fun to be around and be apart of such a supportive group of women (and men). But when the lifting is over and we are all somehow breathing normal again, we have the chance to talk about the kiddos and give (or in my case, get) advice. They cheer me on in the workout and they are pretty awesome and supportive moms. 

I'm so thankful that lance and I are a part of this community. I can't wait to raise Ames around such strong, kind, and generous people. 

I'm going to want to remember what I felt like when I first started and I can't wait to see how i feel in a year.